I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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