D3 body, D1 cock
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
