How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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