drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
