He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
