i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
