we're blogging at a bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
