Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
