Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
