tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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