I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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