Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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