If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
