no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
