Got a toothbrush?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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