I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
