She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
