Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
