I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
