so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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