hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You don't make any sense
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