At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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