Umm I'm too high to move.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
