I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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