Duck Duck Cougar?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
