Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
