I wish I could teleport
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am one with the molecules
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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