ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
