Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
