don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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