She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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