Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
