i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
