Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Holy shit dude........stairs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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