I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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