I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
