You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
