she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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