I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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