ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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