Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
