he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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