Swine flu. Run for my life!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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