She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
