WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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