I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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