I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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