Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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