omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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