girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
