Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
