I must be too annoying 4 u.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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