found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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