Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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