Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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