I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
