If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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