alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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