I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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