Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
