We won't sleep together?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
