Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
