She is in my trunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
