Tell her she can't have a vagina
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
