I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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