I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
