thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
