There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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