oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
