Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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