She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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