I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
