I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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