Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
