I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize