Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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