im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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